Working in retail gives an individual a unique perspective into the mind of general public. And let me just say this: the general public is made up of a lot of douchecocks. I have been working at a retail giant for the past couple months and I have seen some shitty ass people from ALL walks of life come through my check lane. Allow to provide you with some examples.
1. Parents who have screaming children and refuse to discipline them.
2. Morons who come to the check lanes with merchandise they cannot afford, and present air of huffing indignity when confronted with that fact.
3. People interrupting other customers to ask for stupid things.
4. Talking on a cell phone while checking out, and giving specific instructions when options were presented to you while you were on the phone.
5. Asking for light-weight shit to be double-bagged in paper just because you're walking.
6. Your mother taught you manners; use them.
Now allow me to provide some feedback ...
1. Your whining children are providing an unhappy shopping experience for everyone around you, not to mention those of us behind the register who have to hide our looks of disdain when your jelly-covered 3-foot asshole is ripping up and chewing on gift cards while you dig for money. Get a leash and a muzzle or, wow here's an idea, learn how to raise your children. No, Parker, Mommy isn't going to give you a cracker if you can't behave! No! No! ... *Sigh* Okay, well do you want Mommy to hold you so you stop crying? is not disciplining or properly raising your child. Stupid cunt.
2. Learn some addition and subtraction. If you made it past the sixth grade this shouldn't be too difficult for you; if it is, bring a calculator with you. Piling a shit ton of merchandise on me and saying "I don't want this!" or "You need to scan all this (pile A) and then let me know if I can afford this (pile B), I have $50.00." Learn some math, cunt.
3. Excuse me, Mister ... do not interrupt me while I am ringing through someone's merchandise and making pleasant conversation with the customer who is actually contributing to my paycheck by tapping me on the shoulder and asking me "Can I have a paper bag?" or "Hey, I need change can you open your till?" No, I can't make change, walk your lazy ass up to guest services and get change.
4. Listen to me, you idiotic bitch, the fact that you have the nerve to tell me "Um, I'm sorry (insert a gaggle of laughs and a hair flip or three) but I really wanted paper" after I've bagged everything in plastic, because you were too busy discussing the date you had last night on your cell phone while ignoring my pleasant "paper or plastic" and "do you have a bagging preference," oh, and "is plastic okay?" should mean that you get plastic, because a hairbrush, some toothpaste, and a two boxes of cereal does not warrant a large paper bag, but I need this job so I'll hold my tongue and rant in this rather bitchy run-on sentence rather than telling you to eat my asshole. P.S., you don't deserve such deliciousness.
5. I understand that working downtown I am going to be dealing with patrons who walk, for the most part. I live downtown; I walk (or bus) everywhere I need to go. I also bag shit daily, so I know what I am doing. I also know that people use paper bags as trash bags because don't want to buy garbage bags and a garbage can, so please excuse me when I internally roll my eyes at your request I double-paper bag your two boxes of pasta, a half gallon of milk and some candy. It's unnecessary.
6. I am a naturally polite person, despite my subversive sarcasm. I could get along with a stop sign. My point is, if I smile at you, engage you in idle conversation while ringing your merchandise through, and genuinely tell you to "have a great day" the least you can do is smile back and say hi or at least respond with more than a grunt and an "uh" to my questions. Just because I can read facial expressions doesn't mean I don't enjoy a polite customer. When I deal over five hundred customers per day, and over half of them act like you, I only wish you could hear my inner monologue.
Now, clearly these are some rants of mine, but they're pretty universal. I realize everyone working in retail has similar stories/complaints/problems. However, this is my first REAL retail job. With the exception of restaurant management, which is different than retail, I've only worked in office settings and call centers for the most part. Even photobooths were less-stressful. Is it really necessary for you to take your frustrations out on the cashier (who, trust me, would rather have their eye lashes tweezed out one by one in Fallujah than deal with you) who is, in most cases, doing this job for less than half of what you make per hour.
Okay I'll stop being a ranty bitch now :) Just had to get that off my chest.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Indecesion 2010: Mikey Style!
Recently I have watched a couple of seriously unfortunate things happen to a friend of mine. He's a good guy, works, pays his bills, and while not the most tactful individual in the world is one of the funniest people I've ever met. Perhaps his only true crime is hiding behind a wall to protect himself. And if that's a crime, well then 90% of the human race is guilty.
Some of the decisions I've seen him make since knowing him have given me pause, however. He often buries things and pretends that actual problems don't exist until it's too late. Seeing this happen has made me realize some things about my own life the past couple years. You see, my friend is allowing things to happen to himself. By not taking action when necessary he's basically inviting trouble but hoping (at the same time) it just quietly goes away without rearing its ugly head. He isn't tackling problems head on.
The reflection is like a mirror I cannot get away from. It's looking me square in the face everywhere I go now. My friend is several years younger than me, and is at this place much earlier in life that I came to be. You see, he's in his early twenties. All throughout my twenties I was pretty prosperous. I had great paying full-time jobs, often at least one part-time concurrently, paid my bills on time for the part, and had a great network of friends. Shortly before my twenty-ninth birthday I visited Minneapolis with my very best friend for Gay Pride 2007. After two days I knew I was moving there; a couple months before I learned the full-time job at the cable company I worked for would be ending in February 2008. I made a conscious decision that weekend that in March 2008, when my lease was up, I'd move.
I'm not sure when or where exactly the switch occurred. I knew I was leaving, I had a plan, I had a savings account, I had a full-time and two part-time jobs, I was on my way. Then I met Noah, who lived in Minneapolis. I let my wanderlust for him and the city of Minneapolis detract me from my goal, and I ended up moving early (September 2007), that would turn 2008 into one of the most chaotic years of my life.
As a result I began to question my ability to make good decisions, even though I had made good decisions for twelve years leading up to that chaotic break. I spent 2009 and much of this year just letting this happen. I've made a few good decisions, but my fear of acting on what I know I should be doing has made me weak.
This is one of those other instances where I look at my friend and I see myself. I've noticed I have a lot of opinions about things he does, and I've come to realize it's because I recognize so much of my own personality in his. We are most definitely alike in more ways than I would have initially cared to admit. I think that's why I am so critical when I see him making a decision I recognize as the wrong one. It's one of those "I've made that decision, I know what's going to happen" types of situations. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Everyone has to make their own mistakes.
Not only does everyone have to make their own mistakes; everyone has to learn from their own mistakes. While I've certainly learned from mistakes in my personal life, I've not learned as much as I'd thought in my professional life. I still make mistakes when it comes to job hunting, dealing with professional matters, etc. Seeing my friend make these mistakes me furious at myself because I realize I have regressed in this regard. I'm making mistakes I've not made since I was 19 or 20. That realization pisses me off, since I'm 32. I mean, surely I should have fucking learned all these lessons BY NOW?!?!
I can't sit here and say I now have a clear road map of where I need to go and what I need to do. I can sit here and say I realize I've judged a friend harshly (and that makes me sad, even though the harshness came from a place of experience and recognition), and that it's made me realize I have some self-judgments to work through.
So now comes to the decision. For two years I've just kind of hopped on to life and flew along for the ride. With the exception of a couple instances I've not grabbed life by the balls and said "I'm in control, bitch, we're doing it my way." I can sit here and say I'm going to let life happen to me (and anyone close to me knows where that has gotten me) or I can say "2011 is going to be my year."
Some of the decisions I've seen him make since knowing him have given me pause, however. He often buries things and pretends that actual problems don't exist until it's too late. Seeing this happen has made me realize some things about my own life the past couple years. You see, my friend is allowing things to happen to himself. By not taking action when necessary he's basically inviting trouble but hoping (at the same time) it just quietly goes away without rearing its ugly head. He isn't tackling problems head on.
The reflection is like a mirror I cannot get away from. It's looking me square in the face everywhere I go now. My friend is several years younger than me, and is at this place much earlier in life that I came to be. You see, he's in his early twenties. All throughout my twenties I was pretty prosperous. I had great paying full-time jobs, often at least one part-time concurrently, paid my bills on time for the part, and had a great network of friends. Shortly before my twenty-ninth birthday I visited Minneapolis with my very best friend for Gay Pride 2007. After two days I knew I was moving there; a couple months before I learned the full-time job at the cable company I worked for would be ending in February 2008. I made a conscious decision that weekend that in March 2008, when my lease was up, I'd move.
I'm not sure when or where exactly the switch occurred. I knew I was leaving, I had a plan, I had a savings account, I had a full-time and two part-time jobs, I was on my way. Then I met Noah, who lived in Minneapolis. I let my wanderlust for him and the city of Minneapolis detract me from my goal, and I ended up moving early (September 2007), that would turn 2008 into one of the most chaotic years of my life.
As a result I began to question my ability to make good decisions, even though I had made good decisions for twelve years leading up to that chaotic break. I spent 2009 and much of this year just letting this happen. I've made a few good decisions, but my fear of acting on what I know I should be doing has made me weak.
This is one of those other instances where I look at my friend and I see myself. I've noticed I have a lot of opinions about things he does, and I've come to realize it's because I recognize so much of my own personality in his. We are most definitely alike in more ways than I would have initially cared to admit. I think that's why I am so critical when I see him making a decision I recognize as the wrong one. It's one of those "I've made that decision, I know what's going to happen" types of situations. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Everyone has to make their own mistakes.
Not only does everyone have to make their own mistakes; everyone has to learn from their own mistakes. While I've certainly learned from mistakes in my personal life, I've not learned as much as I'd thought in my professional life. I still make mistakes when it comes to job hunting, dealing with professional matters, etc. Seeing my friend make these mistakes me furious at myself because I realize I have regressed in this regard. I'm making mistakes I've not made since I was 19 or 20. That realization pisses me off, since I'm 32. I mean, surely I should have fucking learned all these lessons BY NOW?!?!
I can't sit here and say I now have a clear road map of where I need to go and what I need to do. I can sit here and say I realize I've judged a friend harshly (and that makes me sad, even though the harshness came from a place of experience and recognition), and that it's made me realize I have some self-judgments to work through.
So now comes to the decision. For two years I've just kind of hopped on to life and flew along for the ride. With the exception of a couple instances I've not grabbed life by the balls and said "I'm in control, bitch, we're doing it my way." I can sit here and say I'm going to let life happen to me (and anyone close to me knows where that has gotten me) or I can say "2011 is going to be my year."
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thirty-Something Mike vs. Twenty-Something Mike
So I've always prided myself on looking younger than I actually am. It's not that I'm old or anything; I'm only thirty-two. However, it's nice being thirty-two and having people who don't know you think you're twenty-five. We'll chalk that up to Mikey splashing around in a bath of vanity. Notice bitches, I said bath (as in bath tub) not sea.
But over the last year or so I've begun to realize that certain twenty-something behaviors are really beginning to piss me the fuck off. *gasp!* What the fuck has happened to Mikey?
I can't really say where or when the switch occured. I think back to my own behaviors as a twenty-something. I threw house parties galore, fucked around with and dated more men than I dare admit to, did fabulous things with fabulous friends, took risks like I was fucking cat with eighteen lives, and generally approached life with a devil-may-care attitude.
For ten years that worked. I had great jobs, good money, and security. Perhaps now that those luxuries are gone, I have also been forced to examine the things in my past that led to where I am today. Every action has a consequence, and as a firm believer in Karma, is the Queen Bitch now kicking my ass for every rotten and/or selfish thing I did in my twenties? Are my entire thirties doomed? If so, can someone please bludgeon me to death with a blunt object now?
I'm not so sure that's how it works. Even though my financial life kind of went into a tailspin once I hit my thirties (how backwards and fucked up is that, by the way, that I should be somewhat lucky and prosperous in my twenties and have my finances go to shit once I hit thirty?), I'd like to think that I still have a lot to be thankful for. After all, I am emotionally and intellectually a lot better off than I was ten years ago. I've gone through a lot of drama, lived a lot of life, suffered through the consequences of some really bad decisions, and have come out of it scathed yet somewhat wise.
Sometimes I feel like a flip-flopper. In my twenties I was financially smart. I always a great paying, secure full-time job and often a part-time job as a supplement. I had a savings account, extra money to throw around for fun, to help my friends and family when needed, and impulse buying was never harmful. My personal life was another story, however. I won't go into the hook-ups, randoms, or friends with benefits that rotated in and out of orbit, I'll just speak to the actual relationships ... oh hey, is that the Titanic over there?!?!
My actual dating relationships of my twenties were dismal, to say the least. In fact most of them aren't worth mentioning as they were really just friends with benefits. Even though I dove out of the closet at 17, I didn't have an actual "relationship" after the age of 19 until I was 24. That relationship was Adam. I lived with him for the entire first year of our relationship; he broke up with me on our first anniversary yet we lived together for another full year (as great friends) until I moved. After that pain I resolved to never make that mistake again. Next came Dan. I met Dan online in spring 2005. I had moved to Sioux Falls. Dan lived in Mankato at the time. I turned 27 the summer I dated Dan. I drove from Sioux Falls to Mankato every weekend to be with him for almost three months. After that ended (almost amicably) and Dan and I strived for a friendship, Adam and I began round deux in January 2006. This mistake (not because it was Adam) lasted for eleven months and included a lot of drama. In June 2007 I met Noah. I drove to Minneapolis every other weekend for nearly three months (I moved here in September 2007, just two days after he broke up with me) and he drove to Sioux Falls every opposite weekend.
Each of these reltationships have one thing in common (even though Adam, Dan, and Noah are totally opposite in every way): me. How many relationships does one have to endure before realizing it isn't the pile up of exes that are the problem? How many bad break-ups, relationship crises, and late night calls to friends does a guy have to go through before realizing that ~ Jesus Fucking Christ you mean to tell me it's not them?!?!? ~ the problem isn't the ever-climbing stack of exes? When do we finally learn that it's us?
It wasn't until 2008 came along, and my financial situation started to tumble down the rabbit hole, that I met someone who actually made me shiver. I fell so hard for this invidual that it shook me to my core. The problem was (along with the fact that this person, who would eventually become my closest friend, was my ex's ex) he considered me a friend and nothing more. Our frienship grew and went through some growing pains, and my heart broke into a million pieces as I adjusted to the fact we'd only ever be friends.
Today, I have emerged as an emotionally wise and stronger individual. I am madly in love with a man who (is not only in love with me in return) loves me for who I am. I am still recovering from the financial crisis that hit my life a couple of years ago, but I feel I am better off now. For the first time ever, I feel like I am truly ready to give myself to someone, and considering the man I have given myself to, I am the lucky one.
So I think there is a trade-off once you hit your thirties. You have to give to get. You might not always get to choose what you're giving up, but I think if you try to be the best human being you can be then life will reward you with something amazing.
Of course, I still can't figure out why I just can't fucking have it all damn it!!!
In many ways I look back on the last decade with a bit of amazement. First, I made it through the last decade with all my limbs intact. That alone is an accomplishment. If you know me personally then you can agree. Second, I'm actually cognizant enough to recognize where I made mistakes. Of course I'm still learning from those mistakes. Sometimes I feel a bit vain when it comes to feeling retrospective; like I'm feeling a little "oooh I know what I did wrong I'm better than you!" I don't feel like that.
I envy the people who never made the mistakes I made. I envy those who came out unscathed. However, I also feel like the lessons I've learned due to the vast deposit of mistakes I've made have made into the Carrie Bradshaw of gay men.
Looking back on the lessons I've learned I am curious to know what I will be thinking once I hit 40 or 42.
But over the last year or so I've begun to realize that certain twenty-something behaviors are really beginning to piss me the fuck off. *gasp!* What the fuck has happened to Mikey?
I can't really say where or when the switch occured. I think back to my own behaviors as a twenty-something. I threw house parties galore, fucked around with and dated more men than I dare admit to, did fabulous things with fabulous friends, took risks like I was fucking cat with eighteen lives, and generally approached life with a devil-may-care attitude.
For ten years that worked. I had great jobs, good money, and security. Perhaps now that those luxuries are gone, I have also been forced to examine the things in my past that led to where I am today. Every action has a consequence, and as a firm believer in Karma, is the Queen Bitch now kicking my ass for every rotten and/or selfish thing I did in my twenties? Are my entire thirties doomed? If so, can someone please bludgeon me to death with a blunt object now?
I'm not so sure that's how it works. Even though my financial life kind of went into a tailspin once I hit my thirties (how backwards and fucked up is that, by the way, that I should be somewhat lucky and prosperous in my twenties and have my finances go to shit once I hit thirty?), I'd like to think that I still have a lot to be thankful for. After all, I am emotionally and intellectually a lot better off than I was ten years ago. I've gone through a lot of drama, lived a lot of life, suffered through the consequences of some really bad decisions, and have come out of it scathed yet somewhat wise.
Sometimes I feel like a flip-flopper. In my twenties I was financially smart. I always a great paying, secure full-time job and often a part-time job as a supplement. I had a savings account, extra money to throw around for fun, to help my friends and family when needed, and impulse buying was never harmful. My personal life was another story, however. I won't go into the hook-ups, randoms, or friends with benefits that rotated in and out of orbit, I'll just speak to the actual relationships ... oh hey, is that the Titanic over there?!?!
My actual dating relationships of my twenties were dismal, to say the least. In fact most of them aren't worth mentioning as they were really just friends with benefits. Even though I dove out of the closet at 17, I didn't have an actual "relationship" after the age of 19 until I was 24. That relationship was Adam. I lived with him for the entire first year of our relationship; he broke up with me on our first anniversary yet we lived together for another full year (as great friends) until I moved. After that pain I resolved to never make that mistake again. Next came Dan. I met Dan online in spring 2005. I had moved to Sioux Falls. Dan lived in Mankato at the time. I turned 27 the summer I dated Dan. I drove from Sioux Falls to Mankato every weekend to be with him for almost three months. After that ended (almost amicably) and Dan and I strived for a friendship, Adam and I began round deux in January 2006. This mistake (not because it was Adam) lasted for eleven months and included a lot of drama. In June 2007 I met Noah. I drove to Minneapolis every other weekend for nearly three months (I moved here in September 2007, just two days after he broke up with me) and he drove to Sioux Falls every opposite weekend.
Each of these reltationships have one thing in common (even though Adam, Dan, and Noah are totally opposite in every way): me. How many relationships does one have to endure before realizing it isn't the pile up of exes that are the problem? How many bad break-ups, relationship crises, and late night calls to friends does a guy have to go through before realizing that ~ Jesus Fucking Christ you mean to tell me it's not them?!?!? ~ the problem isn't the ever-climbing stack of exes? When do we finally learn that it's us?
It wasn't until 2008 came along, and my financial situation started to tumble down the rabbit hole, that I met someone who actually made me shiver. I fell so hard for this invidual that it shook me to my core. The problem was (along with the fact that this person, who would eventually become my closest friend, was my ex's ex) he considered me a friend and nothing more. Our frienship grew and went through some growing pains, and my heart broke into a million pieces as I adjusted to the fact we'd only ever be friends.
Today, I have emerged as an emotionally wise and stronger individual. I am madly in love with a man who (is not only in love with me in return) loves me for who I am. I am still recovering from the financial crisis that hit my life a couple of years ago, but I feel I am better off now. For the first time ever, I feel like I am truly ready to give myself to someone, and considering the man I have given myself to, I am the lucky one.
So I think there is a trade-off once you hit your thirties. You have to give to get. You might not always get to choose what you're giving up, but I think if you try to be the best human being you can be then life will reward you with something amazing.
Of course, I still can't figure out why I just can't fucking have it all damn it!!!
In many ways I look back on the last decade with a bit of amazement. First, I made it through the last decade with all my limbs intact. That alone is an accomplishment. If you know me personally then you can agree. Second, I'm actually cognizant enough to recognize where I made mistakes. Of course I'm still learning from those mistakes. Sometimes I feel a bit vain when it comes to feeling retrospective; like I'm feeling a little "oooh I know what I did wrong I'm better than you!" I don't feel like that.
I envy the people who never made the mistakes I made. I envy those who came out unscathed. However, I also feel like the lessons I've learned due to the vast deposit of mistakes I've made have made into the Carrie Bradshaw of gay men.
Looking back on the lessons I've learned I am curious to know what I will be thinking once I hit 40 or 42.
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