Pride 2010

So Pride 2010 was 90% what I wanted it to be ... 10% missing.  That's actually pretty good considering!

 Let's start with the missing ... the missing was Nate.  I miss him and his friendship immensely.  I've long since gotten over the being in love with him part, but I do love him and his friendship ... and I fucking miss him.  I hope he had a great Pride.

Now let's go with the good ... first there's Jeremy.  Jeremy isn't something I originally expected to mean so much ... I mean ... he's awesome and I knew from the get-go there was a chemistry and a connection ... but I didn't want to need him or fall in love with him ... especially so fucking quickly ... but I have and it's scary and wonderful and intense and crazy and all kinds of other emotions I've not felt in so long I've forgotten how to properly name them!

Chris and Ross were also awesome!  Chris came from Rapid City again.  Ross is here... it was awesome to formulate a group that actually got along and liked each other ... kind of a new thing for me.  I also got to hang a bit with Sam, Alex, and Vanessa!


Overall this Pride was a lot like Pride 2009 ... it was about friendships.  But it was also about falling in love ... well, the continuing of falling in love.

Falling in Love ... Is Hard Period.

I have never been the kind of guy who move slowly when it comes to romance.  In fact, I've always had a very Samantha Jones attitude when it comes to love.  I'm not opposed to it, but I certainly do not go around looking for it.  In fact, I've been perfectly okay with the fact that I'd be eternally single and just 'date' sporadically.

I have to say, though, my inner Miranda Hobbs is seeping through again... that cynic who has a touch of love just waiting for someone to give it to ...

I have forgotten what it feels like to have feelings for someone who actually feels the same feelings for me.   In a way it frightens me because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And yet I throw myself forward in this melange of feelings with reckless abandon, like some crazy Charlotte York.

As gay as the aforementioned Sex and the City references sound, they're accurate.  I am terrified I am going to screw this up.  I am at a loss for dating someone who actually feels for me what I feel for him.  I didn't want a relationship at this point in my life; I have truly been okay being single.  I'm actually happy single.

However ... 

Now I'm happy not being single, so I have to figure out why that is.

Pretty true to form, the men in my life who actually make a real, lasting impact come into my life two to three years apart, so it is time for something if pattern is to be trusted.  However, this time I feel strange butterflies.  I feel like there's this electric cloud above me making all the bad stuff alright.

So here I go again ... embarking on a romantic journey.  Afraid.  Excited.  Enchanted.  Falling in love. Ready to Dive Head Fucking First!

Give It a Fucking Rest!

For sixty days I have watched with dismay the tragedy unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico.  For sixty days I have looked at pictures of oil-soaked animals, read stories of the men who lost their lives on that rig, watched as Tony Hayward and his cohorts at BP tried to wiggle their way out of their mess and pass the buck.  For sixty days I have watched as the Federal Government became involved, the Senate finally grilled Hayward, and Obama's approval ratings slipped a little as the American public scrutinized him for being "too soft" on BP and not getting angry enough.

Before I go any further let me ask you this White America?  Do you really want an angry Black man in the White House?  I'm guessing not.  Personally, I do, in fact I want him to just get downright livid but that would only perpetuate negative stereotypes for African Americans.

Now I understand why many Americans have criticized Obama.  He is typically a very mild-mannered, articulate man.  While I personally find that a refreshing change from George W Bush's firebrand redneck attitude and demeanor, it's not hard to see why it's off-putting to many Americans.

But let me ask you all (meaning those of you criticizing the President for not doing enough) this: what exactly do you want Obama to do?  BP is a privately owned company.  While it's federally regulated, it's not federally funded.  Yes, the government was right to step in, and yes BP is paying and will continue to pay for a very, very long time.  President Obama secured $20 billion from BP for the victims of the Gulf and the relief efforts.  This is more money than any president in U.S. history has ever secured from a private company for any sort of relief effort.  Give the man his due for that.

I mean, what do you want from him?!?!  It's  not like he can have Tony Hayward spanked and tossed into an underground dungeon .... KINKY!!!!!!  I wonder if Hayward would like that.  He has a bit of a gay look about him.  Am I the only one who thinks so?  I did read he may get some jail time, that may be like a trip to Rio for him!  Of course I'm sure he has enough money to avoid jail.

But I digress...

Back to my rant.

Obama also received criticism because he said that it is time for America to start really working at lessening its dependency on oil.  This drew criticism from the DrillBabyDrill-ers, most Conservatives, and the ever fun party faves, the Tea-Baggers.  Obama went on to say that it is time start really investing in green energy.

Logistically this will take a while.  It will take longer than the twenty years Obama believes we can do this in.  Oh, and Mr. President, while I applaud you for this, lead by example, please.  America is such a nation of excess I do not believe we (as a nation) could truly lessen our dependency on oil without a complete overhaul of our lifestyle.  No, I'm not talking about all the fun techno gadgets we enjoy.  I'm talking about our cars, boats, SUVs, trucks, and ATVs.  

Now before you brand me a Greenie (I have to give Mama Palin some props for that one!), I realize it's not feasible for everyone to just stop driving or go trade in for Hybrids.  And while they're not that economical at this point, electric cars will get better.  After all, there are people in more rural areas who drive an hour to and fro each day for work.  We can't just expect these people to take mass transit.  Public transportation in rural towns (even the larger ones) isn't all that great.

However, people who live in large metro areas have no excuse for sitting an hour in traffic each day.  I mean, can't you people text and mess with your iPods on the bus rather than in your cars?

I love to drive.  I'll be the first to admit that.  It's relaxing, it's a lot of fun.  However, my car died almost a year ago and I've actually learned to live life without one.  Since moving back to Minneapolis it's become a lot easier.  Public transit is very good here, and while it's sometimes not as convenient or as fast as driving, it meets my needs and it's a lot cheaper than owning a car.  Do I miss my car?  Yes I do.  Am I good without it?  Yes I am.

Now a question for all you people criticizing our President for his handling of the Gulf crisis?  How many of you are still buying gas from BP?  Perhaps you should check the next gas station you have to stop at.

Big Brother Is Watching Your Asshole!!!!

Alright so what the fuck ....

                                         .... is up with Loopt and Foursquare?


I see this crap on Facebook all the time.  Now, I don't even have a Twitter account. Other than my Facebook and blog updates is my life all that exciting?  And by the way, my Facebook updates and blogs probably seem mundane most of the time.

So why do so many people feel the need to use services like Loopt and Foursquare, which post to their Facebook accounts as updates?  Clearly these services were invented by paparazzi to trick stupid ass celebutantes into telling them where they would be taking off their panties and ordering their lattes in their bras.  So why ... and I repeat, why ... are ordinary people using these services?

Does anyone really care that you're at Ikea picking out generic ass furniture meant for short people or standing in line at Taco Johns?  Can't you just text your friends and say "hey, this is where I am if you want to join me, meet me here?"

What this really means folks is that Big Brother is watching you!  As if privacy wasn't already in danger of being a thing of the past....

Blame It On My Wild Heart

Fire on fire, rain on my face
Fever goes higher, what can you do?
Wild in the darkest places of your mind
That's where I need you most 
                                               ~Stevie Nicks

Well damn it...
I did not plan it ...
But it's happened

Once again I am enchanted
And  my pulse quickens
Inside the shadow of my castle walls

Where did he come from?  How did I find him?  Why was I so lucky?  I definitely received my karmic shot in the arm with him.  I want to take it slow ... to make this wonderful thing evolve in the right way.  Thinking of him puts a big ass smile on  my face.

Torched

Somewhere out in the back of my mind, comes a shot in the arm.

We've all heard someone, somewhere, say it: when one door closes, another door opens.

This past week has been, so far, a strange melange of emotions.  Something new, very wonderful, and powerful is brewing in my life, and I'm not talking about my new job ... which is going great.  At the same time, I've suffered two staggering losses this week (both have been stewing for a while, one was more expected than the other).  My two very  best friends have cut themselves out of my life; one was a very amicable, mutually agreed upon split while the other has begun to froth with contention and anger.

Loss is a very strange beast; typically I wrap myself up in my emotions but Loss has it's own corner in the basement, unfettered and secluded from its peers like a leper, making dark love to me in my quiet time like a ghastly visitor praying to not been seen.

So far I've dealt with the loss very well.  Although, I cannot really afford myself the luxury of falling apart, so I soldier on in dramatic fashion.  Come to think of it, I've never soldiered in any other fashion.  Is that my mark on the beast?

In an odd twist of something so intangible I dare not try to name it, I feel an odd sense of relief over the loss.  Neither loss is something I wanted; I love both of these individuals with everything I have.  The amicable loss .... fuck that terminology, that friendship had far too much passion to settle for that ... I'll say appropriate loss ... the appropriate loss was friendly and although initiated by him, mutually agreed upon.  I do have hope that friendship will pick back up some day.  The other one ... I do think it's done.  Too much has happened, almost all of it my fault, but too much.  The relief comes from the fact that I feel more at peace than I did before.  The conflicts that exist here can now be extinguished.

No one escapes from this battle ... undamaged.  I will adapt to this silence ... I will live here without you ... I'm learning to not hear your songs.

Cunting Obstacles!

The stupid cunt to which I am referring first is the package of coconut macaroons sitting in the fridge.  The bottoms are lightly dipped in fudge so when I pop one of the bite-sized morsels in mouth ... two, three, four more follow.  I allow myself to bask in the oral satisfaction cascading down my taste buds before I bring myself back to reality.  Those last tricky fifteen pounds are never going to come off if I keep doing that.  "Fuck it, they're too good!  Who gives a shit if you're fifteen pounds overweight?"  Then I get dressed for work the next day and realize if I don't stop I'm going to need to replace an entire wardrobe!  


*Sigh*


Another cunt of the highest order is the pair of dress shoes I own.  They 're cute, they're black, and they're shiny.  But they hurt my fucking feet!  If I drove to work (Holy Satan Jesus Christ Gang Bang I miss driving!!!) it wouldn't matter; walking and riding the bus on the other hand is not so pretty on my pretty feet.  And yes, my feet are pretty.  Do you have a problem with that?  Must replace the cunt shoes.  Must replace the cunt shoes.  Must replace the cunt shoes.


... and speaking of the biggest cunt ... the weekend.  Taunting me.  Promising me a good time with flashy shiny objects.  But does she deliver?  Noooooo, it's all "Oooh I'm here, I'm waiting, I want you."  What a tease.  What a cunt.