Okay so I need to vent ... and I'll probably piss more than a few people who read this off, I mean ... shit why am I giving anyone a pre-apology. My rant is what it is. Some of you will agree with me, some of you won't, but I don't really give a flying fuck. These are my feelings right now.
I understand that coming out of the closet is different for each and every person who has to go through it. Some of us have difficult family situations due to religious or political affiliations. Sometimes a person's career might be jeopardized if too many (or the wrong people) discover one's true orientation, depending on the community in which he or she lives. Blah blah blah so here goes ...
1. Married Men ... to all married men who are fucking around on their wives with other men in secret ... I hope your wives find out and roast your balls over an open flame while you sleep. Seriously!!!! This is 2010. I understand that many of you perhaps did not realize you were gay (or bi) when you got married; perhaps you figured out later and felt it was too late to come out for whatever reason (perhaps you had children and feared the repercussions of the divorce). Maybe you got married because of whatever social/family pressure. My point is ... you made your bed you need to lay in it (with your wife only) or get a f-u-c-k-i-n-g divorce!!! Those of you messing around in bathroom stalls, adult bookstore glory hole backrooms, hooking up with twenty something twinks on the internet are just asking for trouble.
How are you going to explain it to your wife when she comes home one day and wants to know why she tested positive for an STD (that you gave her!!)? OH, I'm sorry honey, I tripped on a dildo and my dick fell into some hot gay man's ass, please forgive me!!! I need help, help me find Jesus.
Ugh, isnt' that the worst? When Jesus is used an excuse for needing forgiveness?
If you are gay (or bi) and married, and you are feeling the need to explore sex with a man ... tell your wife!!! Hell it's 2010, you've got a 50/50 shot she'll be down for watching and/or participating!!!! I mean, the same percentage of women would have been down for it twenty years ago they just wouldn't have spoken up. Odds are your wife is sexually bored with you and a little (HONEST) open variety wouldn't hurt.
Also, think about what you are doing to the gay community. Sure there are a thousand indiscriminate gay men out there who will fuck you (this only proves that all men - regardless of orientation - are truly created equal ... with an equal ability to be a douchecock), but what about those of us who have been unknowingly placed in that position? Personally I would be furious if I hooked up with a man who later told me he was married.
I have, in fact, been placed in that situation. It's awkward, uncomfortable, and raises an army of issues.
If you can't be honest with your wife (and unless you have some weirdly twisted, extreme circumstance - and let's be honest 99% of you do not) then just keep living your lie ... we don't need you.
2. Men who refuse to come out and ... have no reason not to!!! I ran into this situation recently and I'd like to comment on it. I chatted with a guy who was 34, a photographer, recently moved here (Minneapolis, very gay friendly) from New York City (!!! of all places !!!) and gay. He wanted to get together; I was excited because as an aspiring writer I felt hanging out with someone in an artistic field could only be beneficial. Plus, he was super hot. Then he told me wasn't out and it was very important his roommate could not find out he was gay.
WTF?!?! A 34 year old gay man who is a professional photographer, who has lived in New York City, isn't out?!?! REALLY??? First of all if you aren't out why the fuck is your picture plastered on your chat site profile? Hmm? I'm just saying ... and why not be open about who you are?
Now I need to clarify ... I do not think that when a person comes they need to shout from the rooftops ... because really, not that many people really give a shit about your sexual orientation. I mean, why would someone in their thirties care what their "roommate" (and I use that word with quotations because the roommate was probably a boyfriend who didn't know he was fucking around) thinks about their orientation? And as far as family goes ... someone in their thirties also should not give a damn if their family is opposed to their sexual orientation.
You are who you are. Your family (if they really love you) will come around.
******************** Disclaimer ***********************
Sometimes I think I am overly harsh on guys who can't ... won't ... come out to their friends and families. As previously stated, coming out doesn't mean you need to stand on the tallest building in town in your pink tutu while twirling around to a Madonna classic with a dick in your mouth. However, if you can't be honest with your family and friends about something as basic as sexual orientation ... then what the hell can you be honest about?
My own family was a mixed bag of reactions. I had a very liberal upbringing, unencumbered by organized religion so it didn't take too much soul searching to accept my sexuality. Sure, I'd heard the random gay comment here and there, but once I came out to my best friend and maternal grandmother, it became easier. Sure there were negative reactions ... my biological father's family is made up of mostly Southern Baptists, so with very few exceptions, the news wasn't well-received. Still, I have always held true to the belief that I would never let anyone's opinion of me (including my family's) define who I am.
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Okay now that I am off my soapbox ... let's get back to business ...
3. Politicians ... fuck I don't even know how to begin with this. This angers me so much I see red. Let me start off by naming a few names ... Larry Craig ... Roy Cohn ... Jim McGreevy ... Mark Foley ... Ted Haggard ... and I'll even say George Rekers. Nothing sickens me more when it comes to gay rights when I learn about a politician who is secretly gay (or perhaps at least bi) fighting against gay rights. How the fuck do you sleep at night? I hope gay midget pirates butt rape you all in your dreams. And for those of you who still claim to be straight after the media busts you with your gay prostitutes ... you don't deserve to be gay. We don't want you. In fact we will place you on our top twenty list of "Please Keep Your Dirty Ass In The Closet Forever" list. You are more dangerous to the progression of gay rights than any right-wing bible-thumping crazy ever could be.
And now to swing (ha ha, I said SWING) in a different direction ...
4. Right-Wing, bible-thumping holy rollers who think you are so righteous ... you need to get a fucking life and jump off the anti-gay bandwagon. First of all you're only reinforcing the belief (one that I hold very dear, by the way) that organized religion (not faith or belief in God or in a higher power) is nothing but a dangerous joke.
Before I continue, let me ask you something? How many wars, including ones being fought in the world right now, are religion-based? Don't hold your heads up high, Christians, remember your history lessons? The Crusades were the bloodiest wars in the history of man, and killed more people than any war on the planet before or since. The wars in the Middle East ... dealing in large part with a variance in religious beliefs ... if organized religion wasn't so prevalent would these wars exist? So I'm going to ask? Why the fuck does anyone care what the bible - seriously it's only a booksupposedly based off of the word of a deity not even proven to exit. I'm not saying I don't believe in a higher power. What I'm saying is, it's not wrong to question. The bible contradicts itself a thousand times over, especially when you combine the Old and New Testaments. So why do you take it at face value?
Because some slick-ass, money-hungry, corrupt pastor/preacher/minister/PRIEST tells you it's the word of "God?" Lame! Seriously! Lame, and when you're out fucking around with your neighbor or whatever other sin you are committing, why don't you go lay down with another individual of the same sex and have a gay ole time!
Okay so ... I don't want to give the impression I'm some angry ass, tree-hugging gay rights activist who is always pissed off. However, with all the coverage on gay marriage, DADT, DOMA, and various other gay rights issues of late I feel inclined to speak out about what pisses me the fuck off. All I'm saying is ... you don't see gay people out there protesting and bitching to take rights away from heterosexuals... so back off motherfuckers!
I'm just saying ....
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